Preparing For High School

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I know Adam has just started the 8th grade. Preparing for High School might be too soon. This is his last year of Junior High and his next step before adulthood is high school. In fact, High School is his LAST STEP before adulthood. Last year, he had such a great year.  He got Honor Roll all year long but the year didn’t go without it’s minor hiccups. It was as much of a transition for me as it was for him. It was more so for me because rather than keep in touch with the teachers through notes or phone calls, I was now being expected to use email and Power School in order to get informed of his grades and his progress.

Power School doesn’t tell me if he is making any friends (neither does he). Power School doesn’t tell me how he is getting along with his teachers or how often he is participating in class. With a child who has Autism, keeping an open and honest communication with the school is so important.

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Last week I attended Open House for Adam’s school and everything went well.  Most of his teachers love him and think he is such a great asset to their class. I did say, Most though. The last two teachers, Science and Social Studies, I didn’t get much good feedback. These are the same two classes that Adam excelled in last year but last year he had two teachers who were more understanding and had more personal experience with people on the spectrum. The vibe I got from these two new teachers, both of whom came from the high school he will be attending next year, were less than encouraging.

They both said he was disruptive but that he is getting better. He has a paraprofessional working with him in the classroom and from what all of the teachers told me, the paraprofessional is amazing with Adam. While I am very happy with that, I am not happy with the look of annoyance on the Science teacher’s face, and I’m not happy with the remark from the Social Studies teacher when she said, “His behavior just won’t be acceptable in high school.”

So, now I am a little worried.  I’m not stressing to the point that I can’t think straight and I need to down a bottle of wine in order to cope, but I am conflicted about things now because I am thinking two things:

  1. There’s the part of me, the protective mother side, that says, “What the hell do you expect? He has friggin’ Autism and he’s doing the best that he can. He is in a class of 20 students where he is bound to get a little overwhelmed at times.”

nothappymomma I’m going to vent a little here because this is my boy and I want to protect him from the world. I want to shield him from all of the nasty, impatient people he will meet in his life and it’s only going to get harder from here. This is just middle school.  What’s going to happen when he gets to high school? If High School can’t handle him, what about College? Is this why so many people on the Spectrum DON’T go to college?

2. Here’s the other side of me, the fighter who knows what her son can do: I need to prepare him for High School and I need to start now.  I need to get him ready for those teachers who aren’t going to be too happy with him when he blurts out a statement about not liking the class or the lesson of the day. I need to get him ready for peers who will be less than understanding.

Up until now, he has had it made. We’ve been very lucky that he has the classmates he has. In Elementary school, he grew up with all of the kids. He had the same classmates from kindergarten to 6th grade. When going into Middle school, they all followed him there. He just gained about 50 more classmates. High school will be even bigger though and College will be bigger than that. These are the steps they take as they grow and prepare for the world.

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I’m going to start small. He’s already an independent person so I need to take advantage of that and help him build on his strengths. I will recruit his IEP team to help with his independence but mostly, we need to help him with the social aspects of this world. This is the biggest issue right now. People with Autism don’t understand tact. That’s because they don’t understand the abstract. At the same time, I want people to accept him for him. Compromise is key. I know he can do this! I am going to help him!

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5 Ways My Autistic Son is a typical Teenager

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My son Adam is amazing!  He is funny, laid back, so sweet, and so smart.  He is an awesome big brother to Conner, who can certainly push his buttons sometimes but his patience with him out does even my own.  Let’s face it, when it comes to patience, I need to practice some more.  Adam is also a *gulp* teenager.  Many people think that children with Autism or Down Syndrome, or any disability really, are less than human because they don’t act or think like your or I.  This also means to those people that they aren’t normal teens.  Hello? Have you met a teenager? Between the raging hormones, their growing social lives, and homework, are ANY of them normal? Well, I’m going to tell you the 5 ways my Autistic son is a typical teenager!

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1, He loves Video Games: They are all the rage with today’s teens and my son is no exception. From Mario Brothers, to Skylanders, to even playing Call of Duty occasionally (not his typical type of game), Adam loves his video games.  Ask him anything about them and like any other teen, he knows the ins and outs of EVERY. SINGLE. ONE. I’m hoping he will let me play a little Mario Brothers with him. He has the original and I used to love that game!  I played it every day with my younger brother when we were teenagers. Aah…Brings back memories.

2. He likes to stay up late and sleep in: Yes, he does get up in the morning for school, ready to start his day with an excitement rarely seen on any teenager but when he doesn’t have to worry about getting up in the morning, he loves to stay up late, usually playing video games, and yes, he enjoys sleeping in the next morning, just like any other teen.

3.  He loves to stay in his room:  Just like every other teen out there, he loves his room and he loves his privacy.  He hates when his little brother barges in without knocking and gets really annoyed sometimes when he is asked to leave his room. He practically lives there and I do believe he could very well be happy and content never leaving it.

4.  He doesn’t like being told what to do: This is the part that inspired me to write this.  Last night I asked him to take a shower (he isn’t quite at the point in his teen years yet where showers are all-important) and he got so mad at me for asking him to do something he didn’t want to do. He actually started to argue with me. There have been other time when he has gotten mad at me.  Like when I ask him to clean his room or the other day when I finally told him he was old enough to start washing his own dishes. Which leads me to the last one…

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5. Oh, The Drama!:  In typical teen fashion, he viewed my asking him to take a shower as an invasion and said very clearly to me, “Thanks mom….FOR RUINING MY LIFE!” He also said this when I walked him to the kitchen and showed him how to wash his dish, then made him wash it. This is a kid who doesn’t typically argue or get angry but since becoming a teen, he has definitely let me know when I am making his life just a bit too difficult for him. And oh man, can he stay mad! Even though he took his shower, he dwelled on my telling him what to do for at least an hour.

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Why does this make me happy?  I studied human development in college and all of these things that we see in our teenagers are completely normal.  My son is no exception and this makes me happy and also proud.  These are signs that he, like his peers, is growing up.

Have other parents come up against this sort of thing?  I know what I was like as a teen and I can honestly say, everything I was made to do made me feel like I was in prison, forced into servitude.  It was all so dramatic.  This is how my amazing, smart, funny, and angelic Autistic son is like every other teen out there.  How about yours?  What are some of your stories.  I’d love to hear them.

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Raising a Child with Autism

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Raising a child with Autism is a challenge. This is what my oldest son, Adam has.  I’ve mentioned before that when he was first diagnosed, I knew nothing about Autism and was even more clueless that there is a spectrum.  Upon doing the research I needed to do in order to better understand what my baby was going through, I discovered the varying degrees to which a person might have Autism.  Then there was Asperger’s Syndrome (the thing the pre-school psychologist thought he had) that is sometimes on the spectrum and sometimes its own disorder, depending on the most current DSM (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders).

My son used to flap his ears so hard I thought he was going to hurt himself.  He also did the spinning, which, when he did it prior to his diagnosis I thought he was just burning energy or doing some interpretation of what he was watching on his pre-school shows. When he lined up his cars, instead of playing with them, I thought he was doing something unique that no one else could understand. Then there was the echolalia.  Adam had that really bad.  Instead of being able to carry on a conversation, he would repeat what we just said or he would repeat his cartoons, verbatim.

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Once I realized what was really going on with him and how these things affected him, I worked to understand the signs.  The spinning and the flapping were his senses being overloaded.  It made me look back to when he was two years old and I played music in my car (like I always do).  Adam would be fine until the end of certain songs.  One song I remember vividly is Love Shack by the B52’s.  Every time that song ended, he would scream bloody murder.  EVERY. SINGLE. TIME!  It got to the point when I stopped playing the song altogether.

It didn’t take long for me to figure out that certain sounds, certain frequencies were literally hurting his ears. I would avoid certain activities that I knew would overwhelm him. I couldn’t take him to any sporting event because he gets easily overwhelmed with the noise.  We had taken him to one when he was six and it was disastrous.  However, he is 13 now and has recently expressed interest in football so maybe I will try this year.

Even with all that Adam was going through, I didn’t treat him differently than I had before.  I approached certain situations with more understanding but I didn’t expect more, or less from him.  I felt that it was important that I keep being his mother and continue to teach him and guide him through life because that is my job.  It is my right and it is my honor.  I still utilized time-outs on the few occasions when he needed it.  Adam was and still is a very good boy.  He hardly gives me any trouble.

I didn’t deal with violent tantrums that other mothers dealt with on a daily basis.  I didn’t have to feed him special food or use special utensils.  In fact, Adam has always been a very independent child. Because he couldn’t use his words or even point to what he wanted, he just went and grabbed it and brought it to me.

So, Adam had echolalia and I would find him spinning or flapping his ears often.  He wasn’t able to use his words, he lined up his cars (and other toys), and certain noises hurt his ears, but other than that, my boy was a typical little boy.  Adam loved Bob, The Builder and Winnie, the Pooh.

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I met other mothers who had children on the spectrum, only their kids were more severe so I felt a little out of place talking with them.  Many of the things that all autistic children seem to have are stimming, flapping, repetitive use of objects, the list goes on but every child is different so while some kids may have the stimming behavior really bad, another one might only do it occasionally.

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When I would go to online forums to try to reach out to other parents, these other parents complained so much about their child (really, it was as if their children were aliens from outer space, rather than human beings) that the negativity just made me stay away.  I didn’t see my child that way.  I didn’t see him differently.  I saw him as I have always seen him:  A unique individual capable of greatness!

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Then there were the parents who loved their children so much but struggled to pay the medical bills for the various therapies their children needed.  I didn’t need any special therapies outside of what the school had already provided.  I felt that I couldn’t relate to these parents because compared to them, my life with my autistic child was a breeze.  While I have made a few friends with parents of autistic children, I still struggle with this.  I feel guilty because I got lucky with my son but others aren’t so lucky.  While I get to go on with my daily activities and have the privilege of raising my son like a normal kid, other parents whole lives’ revolve around feeding schedules and doctors’ appointments.  Knowing this keeps me humble and I remind myself that I am a very lucky mom.

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Autism and Animals

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Autism and Animals go hand in hand.

Animals seem to have an innate ability to know when a child is having a melt down or is about to. Adam loves his cat, Davey! I adopted Davey when he was just a tiny kitten. He is the same age as Conner and while he and Adam didn’t get along at first – Adam was only 5 years old after all – over the years they have developed a close bond that I can only describe as special. Davey loves to sleep on Adam’s bed while he is at school. Davey knows when Adam is close to coming home so he will wait at the front door for him. Whenever Adam is upset, Davey could be sitting in the other room and he will prance into the bedroom with his tail up and will rub his head against Adam’s leg.

Dogs are known for their ability to comfort their huadamanddaveymans when we are upset but not many people are aware that cats have this ability too. When I was a teenager, I was depressed a lot and I had a big grey and white cat name Baby who would lay with me while I would cry myself to sleep.

While Mikey isn’t as in tune with the goings on of Adam, he is always good to Adam, especially now that Adam is getting older.  Autism and animals have long been a topic for those searching for pets that will help their children on the spectrum. We all know how pets tend to calm people down, no matter what their issue. Pets are awesome to have for so many reasons!

 

 

 

 

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Adam is a Star – Update!

adam1So, the day after Adam had his talent show at his middle school program, his elementary school program called me to invite Adam to write the script for the elementary talent show and MC it. Now, to be fair, I want to point out that he wasn’t the only one invited back. Several middle schoolers and high schoolers were invited to come back to perform and they did a great job, performing to Bryan Adams’ song Boys of Summer. Adam was asked to write the script and his old teachers couldn’t wait to see what he would do with it and how he would incorporate it into the show. He did an amazing job! I am so proud of him!

So, Adam came home after the first day with all sorts of notes on who was doing what in the talent show.  Within and hour he had typed out the whole script and printed it.  Then he came to me and asked me if I wouldn’t being his audience so he could practice his lines.  I said, “Of course Adam.  I would love to see what you have.”  After he practiced it on me, he asked me how I liked it.  I was so proud to watch him practice.  It brought me back to my high school days when I was in the Drama Club and practiced my lines.

Adam didn’t just practice the lines but performed all of the actions and practiced them until he got it to his liking.  He’s so awesome!  After the show on Friday, everyone came up to me and told me how wonderful he did.  Even some of the children came up to me and thanked me for letting Adam do the show.  Then, of course, they thanked Adam for being their MC.  I’m just so proud!

 

 

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