When a Romantic Relationship Affects Your Mental Health

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Last year I met someone who I thought was a soul mate. While I often question the validity of soul mates, deep down I wish for one. That one person who just gets me. This person seemed to do just that. We had this really strong instant connection. The relationship showed a lot of promise.

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That was so refreshing. He actually took the time to get to know me. It’s so rare to find that these days. I found him to be a unique person with a unique mind and I adored our conversations. We could talk about anything and the conversations flowed as if we had always known each other.

We had a long distance relationship. This was against my rules of dating. We met online – Xbox – another rule broken. Still, though I wanted to give it a chance. I wanted to open myself up to the possibilities. A third rule I broke was to not date someone more than 5 years younger than me. He was in his twenties. He presented himself as a mature and deep, intelligent thinker.

relationship_rockinrandommomI don’t trust easily and it takes a lot for me to tell someone I love them. It happened fast and within a month we were exchanging I love you’s and talking long term. I watch Catfish on MTV so naturally I was cautious. We had Skyped and sent pictures and spoke on the phone. He was who he said he was.

BUT THERE WERE SEVERAL RED FLAGS.

When I commit to someone and really love someone, I tend to go above and beyond. I’m a very generous person and eventually realized my generosity was being taken advantage of. When I said something, his answer was always, “Well, I didn’t ask you.” When coupled with how he “didn’t ask” – that is manipulation.

He had a way though, of making me second guess my instincts. Because of my trust issues I told myself that it was my own crazy thoughts that were keeping me from fully trusting him. I look back on that now and I know better. ALWAYS TRUST YOUR INSTINCTS!
relationship_rockinrandommomHe would often ignore me for a week or two at a time then come back and tell me how much he missed me. When I get ignored, I get angry but I also get distant. I told him this yet he kept ignoring me anyway. This had nothing to do with family obligations or work. It was all about gaming. He often retreated to his own little bubble where no one else existed, save his gaming buddies. During these times, I found myself depressed and irritable. I allowed it to affect my well being and happiness. Not Cool!

This song explains it perfectly:

Even so, I continued to date him. I really believed in our connection. Despite all the signs I believed in him. I saw his potential. I also wanted to help him. You see, over the course of our 10 month relationship/friendship I saw strong signs of a possible mental illness.

relationship_rockinrandommomHe would lie or exaggerate certain truths about his life in order to gain my sympathy. I genuinely wanted to help him but often found myself more stressed out and withdrawn. I was really stressing and worrying over his well being and beating myself up when he consistently ignored my advice. He could talk the talk but couldn’t walk the walk.

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relationship_rockinrandommomThe last straw for me was when he “forgot” my birthday. Wait. What he said was he didn’t forget, just forgot to tell me. I called bullshit on that and realized, finally, that I needed to let him go. We weren’t in a relationship by then but we were still acting like a couple. It showed me how selfish he really was. Despite his constant words of “I love you” and “You’re the most important thing in my life”, his actions kept showing me the opposite.

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I finally came to the conclusion that what he really wanted was a savior. Someone to rescue him from his life and take care of him. He wanted a mother and a lover in one while at the same time someone to obsess over him. I’m just not down with that. For my own sanity I had to cut him from my life. Sometimes you just have to walk away. I have to put my happiness first. After, I realized just how much he had drained me emotionally.

I was really angry with him but more angry with myself. The truth is I felt duped. How can that be? I’m smarter than this? I really had to come to terms with the whole situation. I invested so much more into the relationship. I gave more than I got. I can’t say this relationship was a mistake because I learned something very valuable about myself. Now I can move forward. Never settle for less than you deserve.

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Have you had a similar experience in relationships? Let me know in the comments.

Thanks so much for Reading!

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I am linking this with:

My Random Musings
Monday Stumble Linky
Reflectionsfromme
Cuddle Fairy

 

30 thoughts on “When a Romantic Relationship Affects Your Mental Health

  1. it really can be hard to leave a relationship even when it’s unhealthy, especially when mind games and manipulation are involved. I have been there and I know just how tough it really is, so well done you! Be so proud of yourself!!!! #mg

    1. Thanks Mac! I wanted to stay because I really loved him – or I thought I did but I found out later that it was a fantasy that I fell in love with. He presented himself very different from who he actually was. Not total opposite per say but extremely exaggerated and I can’t stand that. It’s a lie and I hate lies so I had to leave and I’m so glad I did. I am proud of myself because had I not been the mentally healthy person I am today, I may well have stayed longer. Thanks so much for your lovely comment Mac!

  2. It’s all too easy to get trapped in a toxic relationship, because it’s not usually until after it has ended that you see how messed up it was. I’m glad you trusted your instincts and got out before it became too serious
    Thanks for linking up to #AnythingGoes
    Debbie

    1. I am glad too! I will say that I actually thank my history of bad relationships for teaching me what to look out for. I’m so much happier now! Thanks so much for reading and commenting Debbie!😊

    1. Thank you! There was more to it of course and a combination of things that helped me make my decision but I’ve been much happier since ending it. Thanks so much for your comment:)

    1. Unfortunately for him I grew up with a manipulative person so I did see the signs but I struggled with self doubt of my instincts. Thankfully though I got over that early enough and got out of the relationship. Thanks so much for your lovely compliment!😊

    1. I’m a lot more aware of things now and fortunately I saw things before it got to be too much. Thanks so much for stopping by!

    1. Yes it was a rough one to write. I started to write it right after the break up but I was so angry and so hurt that I knew I needed to process it and work through those emotions before writing it. I’m glad I did write though because I hope that helps someone out there to know they don’t have to stay in a relationship that doesn’t make them happy. Thanks so much for your lovely comment Becky:)

    1. It was hard at first and I’ll admit that sometimes I do miss certain things but I have worked too hard on myself to allow anyone to drag me back down. Once I realized what was happening I then had toile the decision to leave. Thanks so much for reading and commenting:)

  3. I think it takes a lot of bravery to realise when love isn’t the only thing that makes a relationship worth it. Well done you for having so much courage xxx

    1. Thank you! I learned that love isn’t always enough through my marriage so I think in a lot of ways my failed marriage taught me many things that I take forward and knowing that it does take more than love to make a relationship work is definitely something that I’m glad I learned prior to this recent relationship. Thanks so much for your awesome comment:)

    1. Yeah it took me awhile to see it because I really cared for him and even after I saw it I still wanted to try to help him but sometimes you just can’t help because they don’t want it or they aren’t who they pretend to be. That’s when it’s time to walk away. Thanks so much for your lovely comment:)

  4. Such a great post, it takes a lot of time to realise how the other person is treating you and it is one of the hardest things to call time on the relationship. I have been there and felt so much happier the moment I had ended it. Well done for getting away from someone like that x

    1. Thank you! It was a difficult decision and a difficult transition but I have learned a lot from the experience and am happier now:)

    1. It was hard to leave at first. I was deeply hurt and very angry but I’ve had time to reflect on it and I know I did the right thing. He may not see that right now but hopefully one day he will. Thanks so much for your thoughtful comment:)

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